The Wacky Rabbit
by Nausicaa of the Spirits
Summary: Parody of 'The Wacky Wabbit.' Oswald thwarts the Once-ler's attempt to mine for gold.


Summary: Parody of 'The Wacky Wabbit.' Oswald thwarts the Once-ler's attempt to mine for gold.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the cartoon being parodied or any of the characters in this.

* * *

The story begins somewhere out in a desert, as we see a sign on a cactus that says, "FOR DEFENSE BUY United States savings bonds and stamps" before we hear someone singing.

Man: _**Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me  
I'm gonna get me lots of gold  
Out on the lone prairie**_

_**Gold is where you find it  
And when I find that stuff**_

We now see the person who is singing. He had black hair and blue eyes and wore a gray fedora, a gray vest, a white shirt, gray pants, and black shoes and was holding a pickaxe and carrying a large load on his back. He was the Once-ler.

Once-ler: _**I'll dig and dig and dig and dig  
I'll never get enough**_

_**I tramp the prairies and the plains  
I trudge each weary mile**_

_**I'll tramp and trudge and trudge and tramp  
Until I make my pile**_

_**Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me  
I'm gonna dig up lots of gold  
"V" for Victory!**_

As Once-ler walked along the road, humming, two eyes popped out of a bull's skull and looked at the Once-ler, moved, and blinked. The skull was lifted up, revealing a black and white rabbit with gray shorts named Oswald holding it. He shushed the readers and pointed at the Once-ler before he hid back under the skull.

As the Once-ler walked past him, Oswald said, "Uh, hi, neighbor!"

Once-ler stopped humming and said, "Oh, hello," as he tipped his gray fedora and then resumed singing.

Once-ler: _**I'm a ragged, rugged lover  
Of the wild and wooly west**_

Oswald, wearing the bull's skull, got up and followed the Once-ler, who continued singing.

_**Of all the things I haven't got  
I like gold the best**_

Oswald then joined in with the Once-ler.

Oswald and Once-ler: _**Oh, it rained all night the day I left  
The weather is so dry**_

Oswald came up beside the Once-ler.

_**It was so warm I froze to death  
Susanna, don't you cry**_

_**Oh, Susanna, oh, don't you cry for me  
I'm gonna get me lots of gold  
"V" for Victory!**_

Once-ler began to walk off.

Oswald: _**Good evening, friends!**_

Once-ler turned and glared at Oswald, who quickly sank into a hole, causing Once-ler to fall over. He picked up the skull, found nothing under it, shook it, and then tossed it aside, as he looked into the hole.

Once-ler turned to the readers and said, "Hey, there's something weird going on around here."

He looked back into the hole and Oswald came out of the hole with the bull skull over it and walked over to the Once-ler, wearing the skull.

"Hey, what's going on, pal?" Oswald asked the Once-ler.

"Well, one of the strangest things," the Once-ler said. "I—"

But then, he stopped and gaped in horror and Oswald said, "Boo."

Once-ler screamed in a high-pitched voice and ran off, and Oswald smirked, as he took the skull off.

Oswald smirked and said, "Hmm, smart boy."

However, Once-ler ran up and glared at him. Now it was Oswald's turn to scream and run off.

"It's that weird rabbit," the Once-ler said. He then shrugged, as he said, "Oh, well," then walked off.

* * *

Moments later, the Once-ler walked over to a spot in the dirt, saying, "Alright, gonna change the world," as he spat on both of his hands, marked an X in the dirt with his pickaxe and then began to pick at the ground away from the X, while singing.

Once-ler: _**Oh, I've been working on the railroad  
All the livelong day**_

After making a deep enough hole, the Once-ler grabbed a stick of dynamite and lit it up with a match.

_**I've been working on the railroad  
To pass the time away**_

He dropped the dynamite into a hole, dashed away, stopped, and plugged his ears. The stick of dynamite popped out of the hole and landed beside Once-ler.

"Whoa!" He shouted, before he ran over to the hole with the dynamite and tossed it back into the hole, before he ran away, only for the stick of dynamite to pop back out of the hole and land in the Once-ler's hands again.

He ran over to the hole and tossed it back in and it popped out, Once-ler caught it and tossed it back in. This continued several more times, before he put the stick of dynamite back in the hole and zipped it up, before he fled and braced himself against a cactus.

Oswald came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, before he asked, "Uh, pardon me, friend, but, uh…" He pulled out the burning stick of dynamite and asked, "Did you lose this?"

Once-ler turned and when he saw the stick of dynamite in Oswald's hand, said, "Oh yeah." He moved to take it, as he said, "Thanks a lot, little buddy."

But then when he saw the stick of dynamite, he screamed in a high-pitched voice again and braced himself against the cactus. Oswald shrugged and plugged his ear. However, once the fuse was burned, a little pop sounded.

"_**BAAAAAAMMMMM!**_" Oswald shouted, scaring the Once-ler, before he dashed away and Once-ler landed back on the ground, covering his ears and shaking.

Oswald then ran over, placed a pot over the Once-ler's head and banged it with a spoon, causing the Once-ler to shake again.

The Once-ler began to chase Oswald, before he grabbed a gun, until Oswald ran over and yelled, "Hey, gold! Gold! Guess what? They discovered it!"

"Oh boy, gold, gold, gold!" The Once-ler shouted, as he followed Oswald and asked, "Where? Where?"

"Over here! Over here!" Oswald shouted, leading the Once-ler.

"Where? Where?"

"Over here."

"Where?" The Once-ler asked again.

"Uh, here," Oswald said, drawing his lip back to reveal a golden tooth.

Once-ler stared, before he said, "Ah, that's nothing." He drew his lip back and pointed at his front tooth on the top row, as he said, "I've got one right here."

But then, he stopped short and frowned, as he shook his head and growled angrily.

"You cute little rascal," Oswald said, pinching the Once-ler's cheek, before he dashed away, but came back and kissed the Once-ler.

He dashed away again and then dove, swimming down into his hole. The Once-ler ran over, grabbing his pickaxe.

"Come out, Mr. Rabbit," the Once-ler said, before he pulled his pickaxe back, so it was resting in the wall. "I have a little surprise for you."

Oswald came out and the Once-ler tried to swing his axe, only to discover it was stuck. The rabbit smirked, as he pulled out some scissors and cut the Once-ler's shirt and pants, revealing him to be wearing a girdle. Oswald gaped, before he whistled a catcall and went back into his hole.

Once-ler turned to the readers and said with a scowl, "Don't even think about laughing. I'll bet plenty of you men wear one of these." After getting his pants back on, Once-ler said, "That's it! I'll get that rabbit!"

He dove into the hole and Oswald came out another hole, before he bent down and laid beside the hole, while eating a carrot.

"Hey, Once-ler," Oswald called into the hole. "Hey, Oncie, where are ya?"

Down in the hole, Once-ler's eyes appeared in the darkness and he called out, "Here I am!"

Oswald shook his head and tutted, as he said, "Too bad, too bad. Oh, well." He then began to sing, as he covered up the hole.

Oswald: _**Oh, bury me not  
On the lone prairie  
Yodel-ay-ee-hoo**_

_**Where the wild coyotes  
Will howl o'er me  
Yodel-ay-ee-hoo**_

Oswald smirked, as he said to the readers, "Gosh, am I a stinker or what?"

With that, he began to walk off while humming. As he did, he failed to notice that the Once-ler had appeared in front of him, covered in dirt and looking really ticked off, until Oswald bumped into him. Noticing the Once-ler glaring at him, Oswald grinned nervously.

"Listen up, rabbit," the Once-ler said. "I came here for gold, and I'm gonna get it!"

"No," Oswald gasped, realizing Once-ler wanted his golden tooth, as he nervously backed away. "No, no, not that. Not that. Anything but that!"

He gasped and covered his mouth, as the Once-ler approached him and cornered him against a rock, before the Once-ler grabbed him and yelled, "I gotcha!" A fight ensued, as Once-ler said, "You rabbit! I'll show you! You can't do this to me! I'm gonna de-crown you, you rabbit!"

The fight stopped, as Oswald clutched his mouth and Once-ler saw that he had gotten the golden tooth.

"Eureka," he said. "Gold at last!"

He grinned, revealing that the golden tooth had actually come from his mouth.

"Eureka," Oswald echoed, "gold at last!" before he grinned as well, pointing at the golden tooth that was still intact in his own mouth.

_**That's all, folks!**_


End file.
